HELLO!!!!! It has been over TWO YEARS since my last post here and SO much has changed more so than I imagined. Thanks for reminding me that this website exists, Jenn (please visit her website here although the only person that may see this link may be jenn herself XD). uh.. earlier this year, my domain was hacked and the name servers posted to a scammmy website (which I promptly fixed), so my website had been blocked by google for a lot of this year…. and i finally fixed it!
first of all. i am now living in new york city. holy what! how did that happen. it still feels unreal now, but maybe it’s because the reputation of new york city still seems to be more than how i experience it. which is lying semi-horizontally head-propped-up on my couch for many hours a day interspersed with “work” and lying completely horizontally on my bed. what a worldly, cosmopolitian experience!!
perhaps all of this worldliness that i see is more so in the work i do in meeting various peoples of various life experiences at various points in their life – from feeling so desolate and unable to think beyond a desire for death, to being unable to think beyond a desire for a place to sleep at night (at the hospital). from the wealthy to the poor, the socially supported to the loneliest, the nyc born and bred to those that just happened to end up here on a flight back from egypt. i guess it is pretty cool to meet these various individuals and get a glimpse into their life at a time that they might need help. but anyway… back to life on my own couch…
reflecting over the past year, haha, it’s quite strange. 2020 seems to have been a really strange year for a lot of people, and it’s kind of nice to feel connected to others in that way despite how terrifying it was. i remember feeling really guilty in the beginning of this year, with a lot of feelings surrounding how j was doing transitioning to simply moving, this new city, and the complications of how he moved to be with me and what it meant for our relationship. i think this guilt has not necessarily resolved by became kind of stalled or put aside given the pandemic, his injury, and now it seems forgotten feeling, or that we’ve somehow adjusted to calling this place home. for now.
okay i think i have more thoughts but i wanna spend time with j now so maybe i’ll try to use this website more :D